Waiting… Waiting… Waiting….

I am a skeptical and cynical person. I am also very sarcastic. I hate sentimental and romantic stuff. I hate poems and flowers. I hate girly stuff. I hate when girls only talk about boys. I hate liking boys!

But, unfortunately, things don’t go as well as you imagine they will. I thought that if I would fall for someone, everything would go smoothly and nothing would change in me. Now, I hate myself for being like this! I have turned into a sentimental drama queen bitch. Liking guys? Nope. Not my cup of tea. I hate the fact that I am thinking about a certain boy all the time! Waiting when he will write to you and hoping that you actually mean something to him is pathetic! I’m pathetic!

Why can’t I just go back to my old self? I’m trying not to talk about all this to people, but I can whine on my blog, can’t I? Admitting that I really really like someone to people is like admitting that I’m a weak person. I think I am a weak person, but I don’t want people to know that! I have spent years transforming myself from a shy, quiet and kind girl – into a strong, carefree and sarcastic bitch.

Almost all of my friend think that I don’t give a fuck about anything. It’s kinda good. I never complain to my friends or family, or whine about anything. But what sucks, is that they think I have no emotions! I guess have worked on my image for way too long. My friends constantly argue with me about my “not giving a fuck about anything”. I don’t comfort them when they need comforting, because I’m afraid that I will spill out some unnecessary stuff.

But with this boy I like, I can’t keep my cool! I spill everything out when I talk to him. Everything! My weaknesses, my fears, what I love, what I hate and so on… I guess that’s what ruined our “relationship”… The first guy I ever liked…

I should go back to the “fuck men” phase…