Sometimes you think that nothing is possible and no matter what you do, nothing good will come out of it Sometimes, you have days when you think that everything is possible and you feel like the happiest person in the world. These moments mostly last for a very short time, not enough to actually start doing something. You know, when you get the inspiration you have been waiting for and want to do something to it, but when start getting ready, inspiration fades and you end up with nothing. What should you do in such moments?

You have to find something that always inspires you. It may be a song, or a painting, or an artist, or a person or an animal, a movie, a video, a place and so on. There are two types of inspiration:

The first kind happens most of the time. It’s when you are getting inspired for ideas, but don’t actually do anything to express them. You ave tons of thoughts running around your brain, but you body doesn’t want to produce anything from those thoughts. I am like that most of the time. When I’m surfing the net for artists and movies and stories, I get amazing ideas, but I spend the time surfing more and more and eventually get tired.

The second type is when you just know you have to start doing the job and once you do, you don’t want to stop. It happens rarely, to me. Which is bad for an artist, but I promise to get better at this. After all, I have recently found things that inspire me in such a way. A song, a movie, a place and a person. Even a photo.

So you just have to seek for it. You have to go after inspiration with a club. When you have to do something, or draw something, especially when you have nothing else to do, just sit your ass down and start doing it! That’s all there can be said about inspiration and getting the work done!



Nothing to Write about Except Cheesy Teen Romance Stories

I hate cheesy stuff. All the romance and drama and cliches, it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. But, being the strange being we humans are, I like when “cheesy” is happening to me, not around me.

The thing is, as an ex-writer and a now-artist, I try to look beyond the everyday life routine and topics such as love and hate and happiness and so on. But the truth is, when you are young, (especially when you grow kinda slowly like me, because girls my age already wear heels and are married and have children and look like women and have had tons of boyfriends and sex and relationship experience) no matter how hard you try to avoid such topics, you can never do it. You may not discuss love with your girlfriends, but you thing about that one person all the time, and suddenly, you kinda relate to the characters in romantic movies you once hated, though you never admit it.

God, I hate when I am like this. When all I can think about is my crush. Sometimes, there is this good point when you are in love, which I call a muse. The period of liking someone and when you think about them you actually have butterflies and you want to vomit and your legs are shaking and you too are shaking and you just can’t control yourself! You might actually be a pretty cool and careless person, but when you see that one guy, you become a dumb teenaged kid. At that moment, you go so dumb, you don’t realize you are dumb, but then, every time you are alone and start thinking about you actions, you keep facepalming yourself so hard…. I know I do. And very often I hated myself for it, but eventually, I came to a conclusion that that’s just the way it is. And you have to face it. You can’t always keep your cool, and you shouldn’t. I even hated myself for writing stuff like this in my journal, which became more like a teenage diary, it’s so disgusting when you read it, but the thing is, it’s all true. The things you write while still under the effect of that one person are actually the true things about you, things beyond the wall you built around  yourself, the things beyond the coolness.

Well, I’m beating around the bush now, but I have nothing much to write. I’m in that situation now when the butterflies are gone and you have this kinda empty space which doesn’t feel up with simple flashbacks. I’m in the situation when a person has to find some other object of affection to forget the past one. These two weeks have been totally robotic and unproductive and totally boring. Except for today when I got drunk like a pig and of course my love bubble burst and I finally blurted out everything I wanted to say.

So, here is a warning. In 3 days, I’ll be left with no hope at all and there will be no use in thinking about writing that person a text or calling or seeing him, because he’s moving. So, I’ll eventually go back to my original state as a man- hater, a potential pothead, a “cool girl”, a totally careless person and a nice dudette. I really miss that old me, when I didn’t care about guys at all and hated flirting and romance and I hope that as well as my original state, my mind will also go back to being the way it was. No imagining romantic stories or stories about love and lust and so on.