Introverts Vs. Extraverts

We all know that Extraverts are really communicative and like being in a crowd and love attention. But us, Introverts, don’t. Some people need to understand that there is a difference between shyness and introversion. 

I’m an introvert. It’s something that has bugged me for my whole life. People find it hard to understand that I’m not shy. My mom and I always had arguments about what she called shyness and me not being communicative enough. She would always compare me my happy-go-lucky, communicative and people-loving friends. She would nag me for not going to parties or outings and not being talkative at family dinners. Like today. I love my family, but I don’t love talking a lot, unlike my sister, who can’t stop once she starts talking. She’s an Extravert. What’s weird about her is that she’s a shy Extravert. she loves company, but it takes some time for her to get used to being with strangers. But once she gets used to them, she is unstoppable! 

I wish I was an Extravert. When I look at my friends an how they are always attending parties and meeting new people, I get kinda jealous. But once I am at such a party, I start dreaming about going home, into my comfortable room, doing whatever I like. At first I thought I was shy,  but then I realized that I don’t have a problem with communication. I just don’t love people. I can’t just talk to any person, like a lot of my friends do. It has to be a certain kind of person, a person that catches my interest. I also don’t love seeing my friends too often, or randomly calling them up. I love my own space. Sometimes, I don’t see my friends just because I want to be home and listen to music. 

It’s so hard for people to realize that I’m not shy! 

You know when people listen to their favorite musician in concert and they do all the jumping and head-shaking? I can’t do that. I was at a Deep Purple concert, but I wasn’t jumping around like some animal. When I’m listening to my music, I like to smoke and stand and listen. 

How do you explain all this to friends and family and strangers? 



Red Hot Chili Peppers – Scar Tissue

This song is a perfect song for a road trip. But not the kind of a road trip when you go to have fun with friends – but the kind of trip you take to think about stuff.
You should listen to this song when you have no idea what to listen to. When you don’t know what choice to make and are totally confused. This song won’t give you an answer, it will make you feel like the answers doesn’t really matter. Scar Tissue makes you feel like nothing matters except for yourself.
As in a movie, the song is perfect for an ending. There are songs which are suited for the beginning of the film, but this song could just fit into an ending – when all the choices are already made and there is nothing else you can do but take some time of to not think about anything.

Why is it that we get everything we want from the people we don’t want to get it from? 


Waiting… Waiting… Waiting….

I am a skeptical and cynical person. I am also very sarcastic. I hate sentimental and romantic stuff. I hate poems and flowers. I hate girly stuff. I hate when girls only talk about boys. I hate liking boys!

But, unfortunately, things don’t go as well as you imagine they will. I thought that if I would fall for someone, everything would go smoothly and nothing would change in me. Now, I hate myself for being like this! I have turned into a sentimental drama queen bitch. Liking guys? Nope. Not my cup of tea. I hate the fact that I am thinking about a certain boy all the time! Waiting when he will write to you and hoping that you actually mean something to him is pathetic! I’m pathetic!

Why can’t I just go back to my old self? I’m trying not to talk about all this to people, but I can whine on my blog, can’t I? Admitting that I really really like someone to people is like admitting that I’m a weak person. I think I am a weak person, but I don’t want people to know that! I have spent years transforming myself from a shy, quiet and kind girl – into a strong, carefree and sarcastic bitch.

Almost all of my friend think that I don’t give a fuck about anything. It’s kinda good. I never complain to my friends or family, or whine about anything. But what sucks, is that they think I have no emotions! I guess have worked on my image for way too long. My friends constantly argue with me about my “not giving a fuck about anything”. I don’t comfort them when they need comforting, because I’m afraid that I will spill out some unnecessary stuff.

But with this boy I like, I can’t keep my cool! I spill everything out when I talk to him. Everything! My weaknesses, my fears, what I love, what I hate and so on… I guess that’s what ruined our “relationship”… The first guy I ever liked…

I should go back to the “fuck men” phase…

Maud Wagner

Maud Wagner

Isn’t she the awesomest lady you have ever seen?! The picture was taken in 1911. Can you imagine? Maude was the first female tattoo artist in the USA and the coolest person of the 20th century! Just look at those tattoos, that dress, the hair, the brows, the expression on her face! Everything about her is flawless. If I had a time machine, I’d travel back to the 20th century just to meet her and talk to her. I have seen only one picture of her and know only that Gus (her husband) and Maud were circus performers –Maud was an aerialist and contortionist. Maud traded a date with Gus Wagner, her husband-to-be, for tattoo lessons! This is the highest level of coolness!

There is something strange about music. Music is supposed to be good when it’s done well, and it’s melodic and the musicians are pros. But there are some bands whose early work as amateurs is much more interesting than their new, professional work. All the experimenting and finding “that sound” actually makes the music a lot better. Take swans for example. Their first album (Filth) is filled with sounds of banging, Gira’s noisy vocals, in short, sounds and noise. There is no melody, yet the songs are mesmerizing.

I like Swans’ newer stuff very much, but they are a lot more melodic and some of them are even ballads. They don’t have as much strength and aggressiveness as the first few albums.

Just look at this album cover! Michael Gira’s teeth! How awesome is that? Just a black and white picture of the vocalists teeth, but it represents the sound of the album perfectly!


Soulful Girl Talk

There nothing better than a good girl talk with your sister. Older sisters, no matter what they are like, know a lot of interesting things. 

We had a talk today and my sis made me realize many things. Concerning women, men, relationships, sex and so on. 

One important lesson I learned today and I want all the other girls to understand: Don’t obsess over the man you like. No matter what. Be yourself. I was close to obsession. I was on the edge, but my sister got be back down on earth.

Don’t fantasize, or you’ll start confusing reality with fantasy, and it will hurt very badly.

Don’t try to like everything your “soul-mate” likes. Many girls, when they like or love someone, start dressing like that person, listening to the same music, watching the same movies. It’s wrong! It’s different if he asks you to listen to his favorite band or watch his favorite movie. If you like it, you like it. If you don’t, you don’t. And don’t be afraid to say  that you don’t.

Don’t cry in front of guys. Don’t have hysterics. There is no need for that. Crying and showing how much obsessed you are won’t make matters any better. Be cool and strong.

Don’t try to change yourself. Don’t grow your hair because he likes long hair. Don’t start dressing differently because he likes a peculiar style of clothing. If he likes you, he likes you for who you are. Trust me. If he doesn’t like you, he won’t like you if you start doing the same stuff as he does.

Don’t think about him whenever you do things. Don’t think about him liking what you are doing. Keep doing your own thing, and if he likes you enough, he will come to you yourself.

I can give you an example. I used to sit on Facebook, online, for ages, waiting for him to come and write to me. But he wouldn’t. Even if he saw me online, he didn’t always write to me. I was going nuts. I started investigating the bands and movies he liked. I thought that it would get us closer. I didn’t do anything except that. But he wouldn’t write to me.  But whenever I started doing my own thing and stopped thinking about him, he would write to me. So I’m just doing  my own thing now – drawing. Drawing without him in my mind. And it feels much better this way.