Coffee & Cigarettes

This will be a little girl talk, so no boys allowed!

My sister and I have developed a tradition over summer of watching movies every night, and then going out on a balcony for a smoke (with coffee, of course). At such times, we often talk about all kinds of things, mainly problems with friends, family issues, and dating. I have never had a boyfriend so I don’t know much about this subject, or should I say I have no experience, but I know a lot of things by observing my friends’ relationships.

My sister and I stumbled over such an issue: breaking up with a boyfriend. This recently happened to my friend. She and the guy had been friends for a year (they met through forums) and she had a crush on him for the whole year. She didn’t tell us about the crush because she didn’t have any hope of a relationship. But 3 months ago, he asked her out and she instantly accepted to go out with him. It really surprised me because she would always give us all kinds of advice, like not telling immediately accepting the boy’s offer to date, an not writing to him first on facebook. These “rules” really made me wonder if they work or not. Isn’t a romantic relationship a bond between two people who love each other and don’t need all this kinds of stupid rules? If I like a guy, and he’s not a total jerk, then I make him feel that, and he make me feel that he likes me two and we call each other and meet each other without any hesitation. But my friend really worships these rules, and it was a shock for me to learn that she had a boyfriend so fast. And a boyfriend that she was totally crazy about. That’s another thing after the rules that I really hate: when girls go crazy over their boyfriends. As I watched those two, I knew they would brake up soon. It’s just that, I know that this wasn’t really love, and my friend didn’t. She hadn’t analyzed the fact that they might soon break up, besides, this was her first boyfriend, so she should have thought about that, right?

I asked my sister about that, and told her that 17 year old girls don’t fall in love, they are just infatuated and attracted to boys. I don’t believe that love comes so early, and if I like a guy, I just flirt with him, because that’s a lot better than having a relationship with him, and then getting depressed about the break-up. I explained this to my friend after their split, and she got angry. I was expecting that. She said I don’t understand her and that it really hurts. Yeah, it hurts, I know. I told her that it was her fault, that she should have held back her feelings, and should have known that that guy wasn’t the type that stick with you till the end. She got angry again and said the same thing, that I don’t understand, and that it’s impossible to hold back such feeling.

“such feelings”? I know she wasn’t in love, and she knows that very well too, but she just wanted somebody to hug her and tell her how bad it is and how the broken heart hurts, and even though time can heal it, you don’t believe in that and you want to feel better now. My other friend did exactly the same and hugged her and said she knew how she felt. But I didn’t start all the sentiments, and don’t think that I was unfair to her. We told her that everything was going fast and she should hold back, not because of the “rules”, but for her own good. But she didn’t listen and started making out with him on the first day, and then everyday, all day, all the time. It’s true that guys need a bit of teasing. And I do believe that if you like someone, and you think he is not worth you, or that it is a mistake, that you CAN hold back, at least when you’re only 16-17 years old!

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